Thursday, June 12, 2008

You can't be my friend

We Frosts have a relatively wide circle of friends and aquaintances. With the passage of time many of them have become divorced or have separated. For years we have ignored a common assumption: that is, that we are not supposed to remain friends with both parties to the breakup. Ridiculous as it seems, when you've been friendly with, let us say, both the husband and the wife, after a divorce you can be friends with only one of them.
It isn't true, you know. We can remain friends with both of them as individuals as well as friends with them as a couple. Our principal guideline in behaving thus is this : Never discuss one party's doings with the other party. Genuine friends are not so thick on the ground that we can afford to lose either or both.
As well as couples, covens and groups break up. Here, deplorably, we see exactly the same phenomenon. Instead of separating and then still working rationally together for the common good of the Movement (the Community) toward shared goals, especially on mundane matters, or simply going their own way, the two groups assume that now they have to hate each other--to such a degree that third parties outside, who now have friends in both the groups, are hated and reviled because we are so stupid that we don't see the terrible things the "other" fraction of the former group is doing. It doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that this behavior pattern isn't doing any good for the community or for our mutual spirituality. Must we assume that pagans are incapable of rational behavior?
Such either/or sulking and pouting behavior occurs on the playground of second-grade seven-year-olds. It is unworthy of self-styled "adults". Please just get over yourselves, you individuals who claim to exhibit adult behavior. Do something useful with your lives instead of staying crouched panting for the death of your new enemies. Don't you still share some inkling of the feeling that almost any pagan is better company than almost any (say) Christian?
Blessed be those who can demonstrate their maturity. Gavin and Yvonne

4 comments:

Dawn said...

You guys are so wise. That's why I like the two of you so much. I do believe that when a group goes in different directions people can still remain friend and start to blaze their own trail. The world is a big place I think there is room enough for all. After all pagans like to pride themselve in being more excepting than others so we should act like it. I don't feel that it is necessary to agree on every thing but I think we "collective" should agree that we have the "right" to our opinions, and we should support the "right" to have those differences. We would be a stronger community if we celebrated the beautiful diversity of our larger Pagan community. I have noticed that the world at large is look for people to identify with. I have found a growing behavior, when people are looking for the people they choose to be friends with they must be just like them on every level. The slights difference means we can't be friends. At the university i have noticed groups of people gathered they even color code their hair color, like all blonde's or red heads. Big business even perpetuates this cell phone circle of friends. So if your not in Chads calling group then you are not cool. I maybe all wrong but I though in the beginning of my Pagan journey difference was something to be embraced and celebrated. Did not the Pagan community use words like eclectic, sharing, community, religious tolerance and dare I say polyamorous. Yes I fully understand that polyamorous is a love-life style not necessarily associated with Paganism, but at the very least a love style that was not shunned like is today in the community. I don't know what the number for Christian married couples is within the pagan community today, but I think it would show a strong correlation of the ever morphing idealism of the community. If a couple wishes to live with the spiritual laws of a Christian marriage and walk the Pagan path then I can support your "right" to do so, It's your journey. But don't expect me to do the same. Point being, We would be a stronger community supporting each others "right" to diversity than to divide our community by difference.
Dawn

The Pagan Temple said...

It's basic insecurity. In the case of a divorced couple, each one wonders what the other is saying, and which one you believe. One will bad mouth the other just on the assumption the other is bad mouthing him or her.

You can apply that rule to group settings as well. Insecurity, with in may cases, a dollop of unresolved guilt heaped on top for extra flavoring.

shay said...

you know what's not doing the community any good? the trash you people teach in your little school and your books that are not even worth being used as toilet paper. you have done more damage to the wiccan/pagan community than you could ever realize...you should be ashamed of yourself, and so should anyone who follows you

The Pagan Temple said...

Ah, I'm glad I stopped back by here. Looks like one of AJ's friends paid you a visit. Note how apparently, if I read this right, all of us who visit here and refuse to follow them in denouncing you are accused of "following" you. What does that tell you?

Wow.